So as you can see by this blog, I am not a huge reader of self-help books. Not because I am not in need of any help (!), but there are just too many other books that I’d rather read. This one, however, captured my attention. Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook, experienced the tragic, sudden death of her husband, to whom she’d only been married for 10 years. In trying to cope, she speaks with her psychologist friend, Adam Grant, who suggests that since she can’t have her husband back (Option A), she has to just kick the s–t out of Option B. And there is the birth of this book and her finding her way out of her despair and learning the basic building blocks of resilience.
I think there are many useful and inspiring lessons here. I love her 3 P’s, most of all. She teaches that when we have a crisis, our first inclination is to assign it the 3 P’s: Personalization, Pervasiveness, and Permanence. That is, everything is personal – ie. it’s our fault. We might have been able to prevent the catastrophe that has occurred, even when rational thought would have us know that this isn’t true. That the issue is pervasive – that everything is terrible and bad and that this will affect everything. Most of the time, this, again, is not true. And that the catastrophic event will have effects that will last forever. Of course, if you are dealing with the death of a loved one, that is permanent; nevertheless, the affect of this on your life will evolve over time and your life goes on even if that of the loved one does not. These are probably much easier to read about than incorporate into one’s life, but certainly they are important concepts and seemed to have been extraordinarily comforting to her as she was going through her crisis.
I found that the vignettes and stories that Sandberg uses to illustrate points are also useful to drive home her points. She uses others’ stories as well as her own to generalize the concepts that she discusses, so that it is not all about her. But she also bravely reveals a lot of herself in this book as well. I am hoping it was somewhat cathartic for her to write about her experience – I’m sure it was extremely painful as well.
I think since life throwing curveballs is a universal experience, this book can universally be appreciated and utilized. We can all learn how to catch those curveballs more gracefully and more resiliently!